IAC is growing! And like all living things, our structures need to grow to support that increased life. Over the next few weeks, we’re publishing updates from our All-Church Gathering about how our structures are growing in several key areas: Generosity, Facility, Staffing, the Discipleship Pathway, and Conflict Response. We hope these give you insight into how our structures are strengthening: and how you can help!
From Pastor Ken:
Our society is losing the ability to navigate conflicts well. There is no shortage of data to back this up, but I noticed just last week in the Gazette that road rage incidents in El Paso County are up over 20% this year from last year. There is a growing frustration bubbling just underneath the surface in many of us, and it doesn’t take much to release it.
There are lots of good conversations to be had about why this is happening, but the immediate need is to ask a different question:
The church should be (could be!) a port in this storm. Conflicts are inevitable, of course, whenever we walk together because other people are involved. However, the Christian foundations of truth-telling, confession, forgiveness, repentance, and accountability are necessary building blocks for peace-making. Our particular heritage of the East African revival (which emphasized “walking in the light” of public confession and forgiveness) and our planting by the Rwandan church (which is built on principles of reconciliation) make this a particular emphasis for us as a church.
However, we’re finding the same conflict realities present in our culture are creeping into IAC. Sometimes these conflicts are rising to the surface: other times, they are being swallowed and simply avoided, to everyone’s harm. We are praying that God would use a few new efforts and intentional practices to shift this tide within our church, and maybe even make IAC a resource to a world deeply in need of peace.
The first step to making peace is ensuring that egregious sin - and its consequences - are named and taken seriously.
That’s why we at IAC have been working for years to build a culture of Holistic Safety grounded in effective policies, training, and follow-through. You can see this culture distilled in our yearly Holistic Safety trainings(which happen every fall) and the website springsiac.org/holisticsafety (under the Resources tab on IAC’s website). You can always find our Minor Protection, Sexual Misconduct, and General Misconduct policies, as well as the appropriate reporting forms, there.
Misconduct and abuse are typically understood to be patterns of dehumanizing or degrading behavior within a power dynamic. We can feel genuinely hurt - and even traumatized - by situations which are not misconduct or abuse. But if we experience a pattern of abusive behaviors, it is absolutely crucial to speak about what we’re experiencing. God hates the oppression that comes when those with power use their influence to degrade or dehumanize others: Psalm 10 is a great biblical example of God’s posture towards the vulnerable.
If you ever feel that you have experienced misconduct or abuse at the hands of an IAC clergy, staff, or volunteer, please do not hesitate to report these actions through the appropriate forms. Additionally, every staff person is equipped to help you make that report should you need help: don’t hesitate (even for a moment) to reach out for help.
Once a report is submitted, our Holistic Safety team ensures that the complaint is taken seriously, directed to the right place for processing (the Diocese of the Rocky Mountains for clergy, and IAC’s internal reporting process for non-clergy staff and volunteers), and that all parties are cared for throughout the ensuing process of discovery, investigation, and judgment (if needed). You can find out more about this process by emailing the leader of our Holistic Safety Team, Nathan Richards (nathan@springsiac.org), or our Warden Judi Greig (warden@springsiac.org).
However, most difficulties do not rise to the level of misconduct and abuse. Many conflicts begin as interpersonal situations where something simply goes wrong: assumptions are made, expectations go unmet, disagreements surface, or unintentional mistakes result in profound pain.
As human beings, we are naturally wired to jump quickly from an observation to an interpretation: “I felt this because of what they did: so they must be wrong, maybe even dangerous.” Then we jump from an interpretation to an action: “If they think that, then I guess I’ll fight back/run away/tell others about how bad they are.”
In order to address conflict well, we have to “slow down” the temptation to rapidly climb this ladder. There are a few best practices that help us do that.
First, we assume complexity. It is so easy to reduce a situation down to our felt experience, but there is often more going on than we realize. When we’re hurt, we can learn to bring a posture of curiosity to the situation instead of judgments or assumptions. Often, those assumptions relate to the person’s motives. That’s why…
Second, we don’t assume motives. As our own Bishop Ken Ross likes to point out, Scripture says we can’t even know the depths of our own hearts: how can we know someone else’s all the way down? Many conflicts fester when we assume the other person’s intentions, but upon investigation it often turns out they were in a very different place than we assumed. So there’s only one way to find out what’s true…
Third, we go to the person and talk with them directly. This sounds so easy, but it can be so, so difficult in practice. It is often easier to stuff our concerns thinking that we’ll just “let it go,” but this grows toxic within us or leaks out sideways in gossip or subtle insinuation. Even attempts to check our concerns with others (“Have you ever experienced this?”) can quickly go awry unless the person we’re sharing with can truly keep things confidential and is mature enough to encourage positive conflict resolution practices.
However, we know that it can sometimes be difficult to talk to a person directly, especially if they are in a position of authority. There’s good reason not to talk to a person directly in situations of egregious misconduct or abuse: we would never encourage someone to confront an abuser directly. In those situations, the appropriate step is to proceed immediately to filing a report.
But if you need someone to join you in talking with another IAC’er about a concern that is not misconduct or abuse, we would encourage you to ask a staff member you trust to join you in that conversation. This ensures that someone trained in these principles can help the conversation go well. It also welcomes eyes that are able to notice patterns of misconduct or abuse if they are present and you don’t even realize it yet.
Using these best practices can help us not just “manage” a conflict, but actually make peace. That’s our heart and goal as servants of the peace-making King: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matt. 5:9).
When we directly engage, often one or more people will realize they were in the wrong in some way, or at least that their actions were responsible for real harm. In those situations, we have freedom in Christ to offer a confession: either “I understand that my actions hurt you. I’m so sorry” or “I understand that I made a mistake: I’m so sorry.” (Note: it’s helpful to avoid apologies like “I’m sorry you’re hurting:” that’s empathy, not apology). From there, the Christian tools of confession, forgiveness, and repentance can restore relationships and the ability to walk together in reconciliation.
However, it doesn’t always go this well.
Other times, people will continue to disagree about what occurred or what it meant. In these situations, we still offer forgiveness, even if the other person doesn’t believe they need it. The reality of life is that we will not agree on everything, and we are called to unity in Christ even in the midst of seeing things differently. That unity need not result in a complete return to the prior level of relationship, but it does mean we should wish and work for the other’s good, honoring their intent and their reputation.
Occasionally, the unresolved conflict will be serious enough that those in authority need to be brought in to give another level of support. This is the purpose of our “Notice of Concern” process, which can also be accessed at springsiac.org/holisticsafety.
Submitting a Notice of Concern communicates “I don’t think this is misconduct or abuse, but I need help in navigating this conflict!” Once the form is submitted, a member of IAC’s staff will step in to help determine what kind of assistance is needed. Options might include a pastoral conversation, mediation, or a referral to professional resources. But regardless of the outcome, submitting a Notice of Concern ensures that you are accompanied in the midst of a situation that often feels quite isolating.
At every single Welcome Dinner, I tell IAC newcomers that being hurt in the church is inevitable because we’re doing this work of following Jesus “together.” It’s not if, but when, it happens to us.
But these conflicts can be opportunities to see gospel healing go even deeper in our lives, if we let it. When we engage these best practices for navigating conflicts, we create space for the Spirit to do his work and protect “the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:3).
May we grow more and more into the kind of people who are known for being makers of peace, not division!
In hope,
Pastor Ken